


Another Wednesday

by crypticbathroom



Category: South Park
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, tw/scratching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 10:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27849270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticbathroom/pseuds/crypticbathroom
Summary: Tweek has a panic attack, Craig is there to help(?), and I suck at summaries.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	Another Wednesday

It was a Wednesday afternoon, how late or early he didn’t know but the warm, orange tinged glow of the early evening sun shone through the curtains of the Tweak’s kitchen. Shaky hands were fumbling with a whisk as the average-sized boy tried to mix away his feelings, the less he focused on himself the more the voices would just return to static. Always present but what you couldn’t understand couldn’t hurt you, he told himself.

Today had been hellish, it seemed to have gotten worse with every passing hour and even the steady hand of his ever resilient boyfriend couldn’t pull him up from the ocean of emotion that had been bubbling in his chest all day. Nothing big had happened, the bigger things always seemed easier to deal with since they were usually a problem that could be solved. Today was not solvable. No matter which way he tried to frame the events in a better light, to look at them in any way that could make them out to be positive..a learning experience perhaps? He couldn’t get his brain to change the god awful way it had taught itself to identify patterns in minor inconveniences that built up to the point of overflowing and..maybe he was okay right now as he mixed this batter--the same goddamn batter he’d been mixing for years while in this situation over and over--but he swore to himself that if one more thing happened today he would snap.

Then, with a convulse of his body and a hand spasm he hadn’t asked for, the bowl of soon to be emotional relief dumped all over the counter, dripping ever so slowly.. _tauntingly_..onto the linoleum floor.

That was it.

The tears he had tried his best to keep down all day started making their way to the surface and at this point he had no energy to try to fight them off, he was home alone anyways so what was wrong in some self indulgent tears? ..That is until self indulgent tears turn into him yanking his hair without noticing his hands had moved from the counter they had just been gripping a second ago. It was never his intention to self harm, he knew it hurt other people more than it even made him feel better in whatever fucked up wiring system he had locked in his head but he couldn’t help it as the warm tears spilled over, his hands holding tighter and pulling harder. He felt the stray pieces in his hands. _Fuck._

He was going to be in trouble--so much trouble when Craig found out but maybe he just didn’t have to tell him but he could never lie to Craig, he promised he wouldn’t but promises are so fucking stupid. Who still makes those, anyway? Toddlers? People who are much too codependent? ...Was he codependent? Could Craig feel the fact he was thinking about him somehow? And if he could, was he annoyed? Would that make him an alien if he could sense Tweek’s thoughts-

_Deep breaths._ That’s what everyone always told him do to and as he stood staring at the batter continuously dribble onto the floor he tried, he really tried, but the stuttering of his breath made it hard to focus on the numbers and soon enough it all bled together until he was hyperventilating worse than before. 

He wished he was cupcake batter.

Cupcake batter wouldn’t be so stupid as to let things like _almost_ failing a test and giving Bebe a pen when she had asked for a pencil among all the other little things affect it this much. Cupcake batter couldn’t fucking think and Tweek wished he couldn’t either.

He needed more privacy, the kitchen was suffocating with just how open it was. What if someone walked in? It would be a horrible first impression on an intruder if he was a mess of snot and tears. He laughed pitifully to himself and his tears stopped for a moment as he sluggishly made his way up the stairs and into his room, the calm before the storm some would say.

As soon as his door has shut the tears returned again, they were never gone for long. Not when he felt like this at least.

Absolutely pathetic. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, “pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic-” He started repeating it like a mantra as he banged his head against his door. He couldn’t help it, he barely recognized he was doing it and the part of himself that somehow stayed rational through these things was always too far away to help. He didn’t want help. Help was for good people, for people who passed with flying colors, for people who gave out pencils instead of pens, for people who made cupcakes when they were feeling good. He was none of those things. 

He was always hyper aware of himself during this part, bad panic attacks always followed a routine of sorts and even that made him self conscious. He curled himself into a ball, a ball was safe. Not embarrassing. No movements were bad when you made none at all. The only ones his body seemed to want to defy him for were ones that hurt. Rarely for damage, he didn’t have the nails to do that anyways since they were all bit off but it was enough for scratching. _For punishment_ , his brain told him, _because you didn’t do well enough today_.

He then heard a knock at the door. It made him jolt straight up, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle the involuntary scream. The knock rang throughout the house again, a familiar knock. Shitshitshitshitshit- no...no. Why was he here? Why was he here now?

Tweek smacked himself on the side of the head as he remembered Craig mentioning coming over after baseball practice. There was no way he could pretend he was fine when he was like this. Maybe..maybe he would go away. If Tweek didn’t answer the door Craig wouldn’t come in and wouldn’t find his mess in the kitchen and hear the sobs he couldn’t seem to get under control and think he was a baby for crying over little things like this. He wouldn’t use his horribly good observation skills to assume Tweek pulled his hair out and he wouldn’t roll up his sleeves to see the red marks that ran down them. 

Then he heard a click and the sound of a creaky door swinging open. Of course he had a key, he had one just for this god damn reason. So that when Tweek was hysterical he could come in and fix it. Tweek didn’t want to be fixed. He didn’t even want a _boyfriend_. He didn’t deserve one. Craig was too good for him.

He heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Shut up shut up shut up he had to shut up or else he would be heard. There was a knock on his door which startled Tweek into letting out a choked sob. “...honey?” A nasally yet highly concerned filled voice asked. What the fuck was Tweek supposed to say.

“No.” He said in as stable a voice he could muster. He heard a sigh. He had make Craig upset because he said no..why the fuck would he say no? Maybe he should open the door or climb out the window and run very, very far away- “Baby..” Hearing the dejected state Craig’s voice was in made him want to rip his ears off, he tugged at them without realizing and let out a yelp at the sudden pain. He then heard the sound of shuffling and something lightly hitting the back of his door..had he left? “I’m..gonna sit out here, okay?” Why would he want to do that? Tweek didn’t deserve to have someone wait for him outside while he pathetically sobbed. “Please try to not hurt yourself.” He heard Craig’s voice crack when he said that..when had he gotten so good at acting?

“D-don’t tell me what to do.” No..what? What the fuck? He hadn’t meant to say that- 

Craig was silent for the longest moment Tweek had ever experienced. 

“I’m sorry. Do what you think you need to, sweetheart.”

Why the **fuck** did he always have to be so nice?

“Can you stop-stop using those fucking pet names, man!” He let out a noise as he pulled at his hair again, he never meant to be so mean.

“Okay.”

God damn it. He just wanted Craig to get mad and leave. He always had these thoughts when he got like this, he always just wanted to feel worse. Maybe it’s because if Craig left then he’d have a real reason to cry. But the thought of Craig leaving and never coming back was enough for him to let out loud sobs again. Once again, he was pathetic. Craig probably just felt obligated anyways. Maybe if Tweek gave him an out then he would go.

“ _Please leave_.” Tweek spoke just loud enough to be heard, his voice coming out disgustingly wobbly. 

“I can’t do that, Tweek.”

“Why _not_?” He sounded desperate.

“Because I love you.”

That made Tweek’s chest squeeze in an extremely uncomfortable manner.

“And I know you don’t want me gone.” He added.

This pissed Tweek off. “You don’t know **shit** about what I want!” That was the biggest lie he ever told. He said he would never lie to Craig.

“W-Wait I-” “Just open the door, please.” And so hesitantly, Tweek did. He was pulled into a hug and immediately broke down into sobs in the others arms. He wanted to push himself away, his brain was practically yelling at him about how he didn’t deserve this but he couldn’t get himself to move.

They sat like that for a long time but eventually all things must come to an end. Soon enough, Tweek’s sobs turned into sniffles as he rested his weight against his boyfriend. He was waiting for Craig to pull away and tell him off for saying so many mean things but just like every other time, that never came.

“I wish I was cupcake batter.”

“Why’s that?”

“Then I couldn’t think or have emotions or do anything bad anymore.”

“The bad has to come with the good, does it not? You can’t know something good until you’ve known something bad.” It sounded almost poetic to Tweek in his current state. “And.. I’d be sad if you were cupcake batter. I don’t think I’d want to have a batter boyfriend.” Tweek laughed halfheartedly. He didn’t know it, but that laugh made Craig’s heart swell a little, he was happy to be helping.

Tweek went quiet for a bit. “..You still want to be my boyfriend?” Craig let out a hum in agreement. “Of course. One bad day out of a million good ones doesn’t mean shit to me, honey. I like being here for you.” Tweek would have cried again had he not run out of tears. “I don’t deserve you.”

Craig pressed a small kiss to the blonde’s forehead. “Don’t say that. You put up with me when I get self destructive too sometimes.” That was true. Neither of them were free of bad habits but at the end of the day they were there for one another. Even if things were a little messy, that was just the human experience. Nothing was perfect all the time, but maybe for that exact reason they were perfect for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> yoooo,,, thank u to seeno + tori for hyping me up so much while writing this <33 i love you guys !!!!!
> 
> anyways, this started cuz i went on a rant about how i wanted more representation of tweek's anxiety because i feel like i dont see a lot of it. i also didn't want a perfect ending, panic attacks are messy.
> 
> either way, i hope this was enjoyable! leave kudos + comments if you'd like !! <333 thank you for reading!


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